the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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