she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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