saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
