STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
