I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
