I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
