So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
