Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
