Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
