thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
