His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
