He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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