My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
