Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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