I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize