Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
