Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
