Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
