so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
