I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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