Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize