i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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