Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
