i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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