Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
