Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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