im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
