Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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