ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
