question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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