who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
