no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
