there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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