So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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