Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
