quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
