nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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