biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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