I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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