He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
