well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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