If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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