I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
