So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
