I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
