Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
