apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
