he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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