..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She bit a glass in half.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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