he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
