how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
