We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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