I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
