my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I died a long time ago.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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