Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
