just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize