Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
