the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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