Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
