it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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