just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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