i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
