wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
