You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
