Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
PANTIES FOUND
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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